How to Help
Reaching out might seem daunting, but it needn't be so hard. First, make contact. Offer a cup of coffee, a bottle of water, a clean shirt, a cell phone or a ride. See if you can lend a hand. Make sure they know about resources for help.
Listen for something in their story that amazes you - the way they cared for their neighbors; the way they pooled the resources of their family; the way they teamed up with strangers; the way they show deep empathy for the suffering of others; the way they endured hardship or faced danger. The fact that they're talking to you means they made it through something quite horrifying; you want to figure out how. You're looking for the strength that lurks inside them, even when they're feeling helpless. The best place to find it is in their story.
Remark on your amazement - "Wow, I think it's amazing the way you worked with your family to make sure everyone was safe;" or "I'm really struck by your bravery in the face of all those dangers;" or "You really showed incredible generosity, sharing everything you had." Be presumptive - infer the courage, heart and generosity that lie under the surface of their story. Show them that, in your eyes, they're survivors - not victims. It will probably surprise them to hear you say it. They likely think of themselves as a luckless sap, not a courageous hero. In bearing witness to their strength, you make them stronger.
Finally, ask them how they did it. This makes them own their strength. "How did you manage to endure that?" or "How did you find it in your heart to share?" or "How did you band together with complete strangers?" They'll typically perk up when you validate their accomplishment. Given the opportunity, they'll prefer to tell you about their strength rather than their victimization. Talking about their strength amplifies it within them and gives them something to talk about with others.
At times, people who have survived catastrophes need more than the support of friends, relatives and kind strangers. If you discover that someone has a need for counseling or therapy, then respectfully invite the person to contact us:
Contact the Harrisonburg-Rockingham Community Services Board,1241 North Main Street Harrisonburg, VA 22802. 540.434.1941
